Vescovi Misadventures: Chapter One

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You’re probably wondering why I Kade Vescovi the 3rd is in this dump. If not then well you’re in the wrong place. But have a seat and listen. After I broke the news to my folks that I wasn’t going to waste my time in college, because let’s face it I’m not the college type, they went ballistic and cut me off. So I am no longer a trust fund kid. Which sucks. Because let’s face it I’ve never worked a day in my life. To get back at my dad, because this was mostly his idea, I started working for his enemies’ company. Mom really had nothing to do with me being kicked out. She shut her trap so her ass wouldn’t get kicked out of the mansion. Let’s face it my father probably wants to upgrade to a supermodel. I give it two more years. Don’t get me wrong my mom is amazing, it’s just my father can’t and won’t see that. No matter what. I moved to the cheapest shithole I could afford in Desiderata Valley. I’ve always enjoyed a challenge. So I figure why not prove to my father I can make it on my own. With a couple of misadventures of course, I’ve never had luck on my side. I may have been rich enough to buy anything I wanted, but luck wasn’t one of those things.

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This pretty redhead stopped by my house with a few of her friends. She blabbed on about the environment. I just listened like a good boy.. Here’s another thing to face, I will listen to anything with a pretty face. And I’m sure as will you. I forget her name honestly. I didn’t forget it on purpose. I’m bad with names. I once forgot my own name, no joke.

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“You know the way the government is acting they may as well make acid rain on the earth..” It sounds like total bullshit in my ears and probably yours if you’re normal. But girls like her eat this shit up.

“Yeah I know right! I tried chaining myself to the city hall building to get them to change some of their ways, but all they did was arrest me and charge me with loitering.” Oh crap she’s a  freak. Chains and whips huh?

snapshot_9e282035_7e282433I asked her if she had a job, because hard workers turn me on. Plus I hate women who don’t have jobs. So she gave me this stuff about that she works from home. Making pottery or something. Sounds like total bullshit though.

snapshot_9e282035_fe282442So then of course I asked her how much money does she make within a year. And she really didn’t want to talk about that. So I guess I’m right about the working from home bullshit? I mean come on? It’s not realistic! But I swear you can’t tell a redhead nothing!

snapshot_9e282035_be282452“What is it about men always wanting to know how much a woman makes?!” She screamed loud enough for the people in Strangetown to hear.

“Calm down.. It’s just a damn question. Redheads and their tempers.. Sometimes it’s hot and then sometimes it’s just down right scary..” That shit is true! They’re scary. I mean seriously get a redhead upset on purpose and see if it turns you on and scares you at the same time. I apologize to any redheads who are reading this.. But hey sometimes I have mouth diarrhea. It can’t be stopped. And watch sometime next week an angry redheaded person will throw a brick through my window.

snapshot_9e282035_1e282d5eI suck at flirting. See I have to find a spouse, back when I was still the trustfund kid, I was suppose to be marrying this beautiful rich woman named Martha. But Martha’s personality sucked. I’ve met chairs with more personality than her. So I’m not so upset about not marrying her. But my folks seem to think that I won’t be able to find a wife, to have kids with. So I plan on proving them wrong. I don’t think I want to marry Natasha. Yeah that’s her name. I finally remembered. I mean she’s pretty but I prefer dark-haired women. They’re so much more mysterious and I won’t have to sleep with one eye open with her.

snapshot_9e282035_9e282d9bTo make up to her I complimented her eyes. Like a smooth casanova. I’ve never been the casanova type, that was my brother. My parents had hoped he’d become the leader of the free world, but he had other plans. Sleeping with the President’s wife was his plan. Which is funny to me, but my parents didn’t find it funny. And the President surely didn’t find it funny. My brother being the vice President had to step down when this happened. While still giving it to the first lady. Well I’m sure she’s about to be ex-first lady. We Vescovi’s are something else I’ll tell you that from the get go.

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I made everyone leave so I could go meet some friends of mine out. Well they’re not friends just random people I know. Don’t ask me what they’re names are because I didn’t bother to learn. And there wasn’t a hottie in the bunch. One of the girls kept eyeing me, like she was mind-woohooing me. I thank her for the compliment, but lady’s control yourselves. If I mind-woohooed some random woman I’d get slapped so hard my SOB of a father would feel it.

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While out I tried my hand at djing. But there wasn’t much going on at this club so I called the cab back to pick me up. I was getting sleepy anyway. And I think I had to work in the morning. I think being the key word.

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While waiting on the cab I had to listen to one of my favorite jams. On my way home that same woman kept eyeing me, I couldn’t wait to get out. I don’t know if you’ve every been mind-woohooed, but it’s not comfortable. I’ll rethink it the next time I see a beautiful woman. But I’ll probably mind-woohoo her. I mean I’m a man it’s in my coding.

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