We finally could afford a bigger house, even though we barely could afford it. Story of my life. It was bland as hell. No color at all. But this is what it would be like until we had more money.
See what I mean no color what so ever!
I really should stop complaining though.
“No lemons were harmed in the making of this lemonade!” Elsie exclaimed as she finally got her first customer.
“Daddy can I get a pair of high heel shoes like mommy?” Emi asked one day at lunch.
“Uhhh.. Let me think about that Emi, maybe when Bella from Strangetown finds her way back to Mortimer?” I replied in a sarcastic manner.
“Uhh.. Doesn’t she have a map or a GPS daddy?” Emi asked.
“Shelby did you look at the weather today? I hear Pleasantview is getting tons of rain today. Poor things.” I attempted to change the subject.
“That’s a no Emi.” Captain obvious Elsie explained to her sister.
Recently I had purchased a small building to sell my toys and flowers in. So on weekends I’d drive down there by myself to overview my workers.
So far I only had about two employees. They worked pretty hard, so I gave them breaks every so often so they wouldn’t form a mutiny against me. Last thing I need is these people trying to kill me or something just because I’m being an ass.
I started to pack on some pounds so I purchased an exercise machine. I still have to stay sexy for my wife you know of course. And occasionally turn on the random women that walk past my house.
“Elsie I wanna use the computer!” Emi cried out.
“Just a minute!” Elsie said pushing her away.
The girls had their birthday. And what the hell has she got on! She better put on some damn clothes. The neighbors can see!
“I need to lay down.. These girls can’t be teens now. This means I’m getting old..”
Elsie restyled her hair and finally put on some decent clothes. Though I don’t approve of this cleavage.. The second some boy looks down her shirt I’ll be borrowing my neighbors sawed off shotgun!
Emi choose the same dress just in another color. I didn’t really approve the makeup Emi and her sister had on but what can I do. They’ll just rebel if I tell them to remove it.
Some young man came home with my girls after school.. I think he was trying to sly since I was in the room. He was talking about school desk.. Is that code for something in teen language?
Elsie seemed to be awfully stressed over school. Balancing school and guys seems to be hard for her. Hopefully she’ll keep guys off the brain for a while. Elsie stressing causes zits!
“Dad aren’t you getting a little old for the piercings?” Elsie asked one morning over breakfast.
Before I could answer, Shelby answered for me. “They make your father look hot.” She winked at me.
“Ew mom can you not talk like that at breakfast!?” Emi exclaimed.
The girls started their first jobs today. You can’t begin to understand how proud I am.
For the twins’ birthday Shelby decorated their room. It isn’t much but they seem to love it.
“You suck at chess Elsie.” Emi said playing with her sister. She was starting to become a master at chess.
Of course Shelby and I still had our occasional rump! Using protection of course, because we’re not having no more babies no matter how much Shel begs.
“Whoa dad you’ve gotten old!” Elsie exclaimed over dinner.
“Jeez.. Thanks Elsie for pointing out the obvious as usual.” I sighed. Yes I was old.
“Elsie leave your father alone. I think his grey hair is how do you kids say it? Happening and hip!” Shelby was even more behind on teen lingo than I was.
With Elsie’s first pay check she purchased a robot machine. So far she’s just been making toy robots.
The girls took my car to go down to one of those teen shopping stores. Which they probably mean to look for boyfriends instead of clothes..
“Whoa look at the bust on her!” Oh God.. I’m going to have to borrow Billy Bob’s sawed off shotgun for sure.
“How much does you family make anyway Elsie?” I smell a golddigger.. Elsie better run..
“Hey look there’s a clown strangling your wife!” My daughter the prankster.. I hope this man doesn’t know me.
“Wait I don’t have a wife..” The man looks back.
Then here comes the water balloon. That’s gonna ruin that suit.. I should know, I once threw a water balloon at that bum Peterson. Then I had to pay for his dry cleaning. Did I mention there wasn’t water in the balloon but more like chocolate pudding and honey. Water is for wussies.
“Why did I have to come to the teen clothing shop when I don’t even have a teenager to buy stuff for!” Anyone else sense the weirdness in this man..?
“I’d like to nibble on those ears of yours Elsie.” What kind of guy is this! Well whatever kind of guy he is I want him away from my daughters!
Then of course, Elsie invited that horrible boy over. If he lays on tooth on my daughter’s ear I’ll make sure he’ll uhh.. I’m so bad with threats. Excuse me.
Oh mercy.. Now she’s rubbing his back. And Shelby’s just watching and not doing a thing to stop them. Is she encouraging them!? Oh mercy me and my misadventures..